Let Go of Your Grudges. They’re Doing You No Good.-copy

One of my favorite party games is to ask a group of people this simple question: What is your oldest or most cherished grudge? Without fail, every person unloads with shockingly specific, intimate detail about their grudge. Career slights (intentional or not), offhand-yet-cutting remarks, bitter friendship dissolutions; nothing is too small or petty when it comes to grudges. One of my favorite answers I’ve gotten to this question came from a friend whose grudge stretched back to second grade. A classmate — he still remembered her full name and could describe her in detail — was unkind about a new pair of Coke-bottle glasses he had started wearing. Her insult wasn’t particularly vicious, but he’d been quietly seething ever since. Childhood! Even this very publication has taken a pro-grudge stance, calling them “petty Tamagotchis in our emotional pocket.” The HBO show “Big Little Lies” perhaps put it best, when Reese Witherspoon’s character, Madeline Mackenzie, matter-of-factly noted: “I love my grudges. I tend to them like little pets.” But what does holding onto grudges really get us, aside from amusing anecdotes at parties (and pitch-perfect quips delivered by Ms. Witherspoon)? And what could we gain from giving them up?